* = see below after all 14, trust me, this story is cool.

1. People get persecuted all over the world all the time right? I'm sorry for
ever assuming somethin w/o knowin u

2. I'm sorry I haven't always been there when you're in trouble, scared or heartbroken.
I have a hard time accepting my own problems but that doesn't mean I don't know you're
still there...I'm still here.

3. We all fell at some point, or still are. I'm sorry I'm not always there to help u back
up, but I'm trying. I'm sorry I take my freedom for granted. (BTW, don't be all prejudiced
to ex-cons*) I'm sorry I'm sometimes deaf to ur screaming, I wanna help you.

4. I'm sorry I overlook u when ur struggling, or fail to see ur panic...my eyes are
beginning to understand...

5. I'm sorry for my reluctance to help when you stumble. I need to escape some part of
myself to move to you.

6. I'm sorry for not being as compassionate as I should and know I can be. I may not be
able to fly to the other side of the Earth, but I can fly closer, and I'm here to support you.

7. I'm sorry I take for granted all my blessings, you still need help. I'm sorry I'm blind
to a lot of the needs of others but my love is increasing...

8. I'm sorry for not forgetting my own pain to help you with a solution

9. We all live with our failures, and our experiences will bring along our guilt and shame.
I'm sorry I cracked down so hard on myself for my weaknesses, I know I have the courage to get
back up. I'm sorry I get discouraged, because you taught me to get back up, and now I'm going
to help you do the same...

10. I'm sorry I'm not concious enough of all I have, I gotta keep sharing. I'm sorry for clinging
to things I don't need but should be grateful for. Take my Aunt Martha, she'd give u the shirt
off her back if she saw you needed it.

11. Member me and my view on the immigration issues (see entry below)? Compared to the degree of
the offenses committed, I'm still sorry for ever hurting you, anything I've ever said or done.

12. Depending on your degree of pain and suffering, suicide will never be answer. Not on that same
subject, my mom worked with this really great guy named Joe; that man was incredibly caring, huge heart.
I remember it being last year, but it may be a couple, he was on his way home from work, where somehow
while on the expressway, some drunk driver's car ended up flipping and landing right onto his car;
he was killed instantly. Violence will sometimes take the life many, and as painful as it is, maybe
people like him were God's gifts to us, even examples, and though He had to take them back, we're glad
we still had them for our while. I'm sorry I'm reluctant to think of such painful thoughts like that,
I know I still have courage and you...

13. Wars are still being waged and innocent people are killed. We're all helpless at times, even on a
larger scale w/o these wars directly outside our doors. I'm sorry I may not always be able to cure your
grief, but I'm still trying to comfort you...

14. I'm sorry for my own selfishness, I see your suffering and though I may not have a correct response
for it now, I'm looking for it tomorrow, and I have what it takes to help, and I still love you.

If we can't accept ourselves after everything, what will become of us? There are times we need to put
everything aside and have trust in others, even ourselves.

* For those of you that don't already know this story:
This Thurs., I was at the train stop on the phone w/ my mom. The train comes and I'm in the back of
the car and the next stop, two black dudes and some white guy get on. As they begin talking, my mouth
drops open and I slowly attempt to cover the mouthpiece because I overheard the following phrases from
the white dude to one of the other guys:

"I just got out..."

"house arrest"

"I still thought it was fair even if they divided the 10 years among us"

(For those of you who did hear this, I think u'll notice I left out the part as to why I smelled the
way I did when I got the library)

I'm gonna be honest, I was a tad bit scared. So I hang up and as I stick the phone in my pocket I hear,
"Is that a 'vote for pedro' shirt?" I (slowly) look up [very uneasy] and the ex-con is talkin to me.
So I (slowly) nod my head [very uneasy]. He begins to tell me that the movie was funny even if he didn't
really get it. Now, by now, he had actually gotten up and sat next to me.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I kid you not, I spent those last ten min. on the train talkin to this guy about
Uncle Rico, and Rex Kwan-Do. He even told me to stay in school and told me what he did after high school,
and about this friend of his, and even recommended me looking into this Univ. in Boulder, Colorodo.
By now I had laughed it up a lil w/ him and was quite comfortable; I feel bad cuz I can't remember his
name after we introduced ourselves, but yeah:

My mom had just asked me to help her with this question thing on how much I agree with cons being
released after doing their time, I'm glad I said they deserve their second chance. I think this was God's
way of further helping me realize that people deserve second chances and should be forgiven. For an
ex-con, he was a pretty nice guy, and could tell he must've felt bad for some of the decisions he's
made. I felt bad myself for bein so, "oh man, I gotta get outta this car." I think his name was Daniel...

I'm sorry to my parents. I'm sorry that when I try to think back on things that
I know may not have really mattered, I wanna cry from frustration and thoughts
of loss. I'm sorry that whenever it comes time, I never have the guts to tell
you...anything, maybe it isn't right.

Without having any comebacks at me, I'd like to officially be able to say that
sometimes I'd like for you to give me more freedom. That maybe you shouldn't act
like I follow the stereotypes I supposedly am supposed to follow because of what
and who I am. Do you know that I'm actually one of those kids least likely to do
w/e it is ur afraid of? You don't know of the awful things I almost did and
could've taken up when I was a freshman, it was even scarier that I did know better,
and still would've done it.

I'm just a kid, who doesn't even know what she's askin for, I may not be asking you
to let go, maybe I'm just askin that you let me try.

I'm just a kid, I understand,Jellyfish. Why do we make ourselves grow up so fast?
I feel like I'm sittin in my closet tryin to figure out when my messy hair got into
pigtails, and where they are now? I want a paleta...

I had a bunch of quotes, but I can't remember, I'll try and write them down when I hear them ok? But
I do have this:

"The Christian must remember that he is likely to be the only copy of the gospels
that the non-Christian will ever see." - Philip Scharper

Excuse this for bein kinda long, but I think it's one of the most important things I'll ever say:

Ok, guys, not just cuz I'm paisa am I sayin I"m all up for the whole immigration & supporting ppl
who are just looking for a better way of life, especially to support their loved ones, pero sometimes
they cross the line. Let's not kid ourselves here, it ain't just the Mexicans who aren't exactly
portrayin the rest of Latinos that great, but still, it's the majority of us. What's my point?
Of the thousands of ppl crossin that border to come here, there will only be like a handful who are
actually here to do good, who will work and not just live off welfare and get drunk or w/e.
It gets me so mad that we're all like, "oh give us rights" and then expect the U.S. to just stand
aside. Here's the reality of it:

Side A:
When my mom's dad was about my age, that's the only time he was here illegaly, and in all honesty, he
came for work. He worked with a few other guys and one day border patrol came over and busted them. They
started "arrestin" everybody but him, and believe it or not, he felt bad and turned himself in. Guys,
border patrol should run a hotel and excuse the whole humour of this cuz Side B isn't funny at all. They
were respectful and even fed them breakfast like...food, and held their stuff
until they were able to return them back to Mexico correctly/lawfully.

Side B:
Is everyone aware of the way in which illegal immigrants who are caught in Mexico and kept are treated?
Picture a cell, and I"m bein generous here, approximately the size of my living and dining room, overcrowded
and like a bucket as a restroom. These guys are barely fed and I"m not even gettin into the health issues.
They get beat up sometimes, they steal the stuff the came with until they're ready to deport them back
to their countries.

Who are Mexicans to demand better treatment of illegal immigrants, when we treat our own immigrants
so inhumanely?! Now, this problem is somewhat bein worked on, but in the mean time, if we're askin for help
we have to be able to ask ourselves to do the same and help with that...

" 'And if a stranger dwells with you in your land, you shall not mistreat him. The stranger who dwells
among you shall be to you as one born among you, and you shall love him as yourself; for you were
strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the Lord You God.' "

~

"It was his wife's wedding..." =)

 Pump it!!!(I wuv u Jellyfish!)

I'm trying to say it w/ least # a words
#1-

Ash Wednesday 05 and 06

Lent, ladies & gentlemen, I have given up poptarts (Y'all member the AA meetin in Gold House 5th?), gum & candy, so don't ask!
I mean this for everybody that this time period is the 1 where we really try & fix ourselves, it gets better...

Lenora typed this for me, I guess I can trust a 13 yr old:
"My dearest Ana sweet cousin  I love you  You are the best  Im sorry for everything that bad that has
happened to u  Well thats HIGH SCHOOL man thats hard  dont worry were going thur the same ^*@!  I feel
ur pain  I Never new "people" could be such jerks  u know what I mean  OMG !!!!!!~ Lin Lafawnduh"

#2- Birthdays (Feb. & March)
Happy Birthday to: Vero, my guerita/Jellyfish, Aunt Nora, Grandpa,Uncle Tony, Mel and Simon, Aunt Martha & the little merm- Ariel (who needs to watch who he pokes w/ toothbrushes!), & Mel Mel.

#3 No explanation needed
approx.= 1 week of chlorohexadine gluconate .12% ~ chipmunk ~ milkshakes ~ PILLS

#4
The above mentioned has lead me to wonder...I should be salt kissin, now I got nothin against Echo & the
Bunnymen, but I'm not sugar rinsing...it's salt

#5
My mom had been checkin through her bookshelves & found mix cassettes from like...the 80s. Whenever we're at home...
needless to say the weekend has been awesome. It's seriously got me thinking that if I had been born earlier...
would I be me? I know a lot wouldn't be the same like ppl I know, and the things I know, & I apologize,
cuz I told myself I didn't care, I just wanted to keep running.

Ana's Fog:

• My eyes are the (insert adjective) shade of (insert color) staring back at u
• Cesar is to his van, what Elia is to my kitchen pantry...you guys are a better Vegas, I'll always love ya 4 it
• If u guys have a relative u just can talk to bout w/e, u should really thank them,
  this is basically directed at my aunt Martha
• Molly, member our texting moments from...well 2day (my un-Mexicanness)? I apparently kick harder w/ help from All American Rejects, & Alicia Keys throws off my running, I just laugh
• If she reads this, she'll get it...member durin 7th when we were comin out the gym bridge? Hold onto my secret, always...& from what u told me, I membered
  this, not exact, pero...:

(hmmm...elevator)
Meredith: I'm over u
Derek (Shepard): Me 2
Meredith: really?
Derek: No

All I have to tell u 4 now is that sometimes it's sadder as we lay there wondering if this is numbness, or if it's just the fact
that we feel, not necessarily what it is...& we still don't know.

"Elise, it doesn’t matter what you say
You know I’ll stay here every yesterday
Like keep on acting out the same
The way we act out
Every way to smile
Forget
And make believe we never needed
Any more than this
Any more than this
Elise it doesn’t matter what you do
You know I’ll never really get inside of you
To make your eyes catch fire the way they should
To (may? ) the blue will pull me in
If they only would
If they only would
At least I’d lose this sense of sensing
Something else that hides away
From me and you this world’s to part
With aching moves
And breaking hearts
And all the smiles your hands can take
But I can take as much as you can throw
And then throw it all away
Oh I’ll throw it all away
Like throwing faces as the sky
Like throwing arms round yesterday
I stood and stared like stone in front of you
And the way I stared it seemed I looked right out of you
And even the way I stand
I stand away from you
Elise believe me take me away from this
And secretly we’ll slip into all our promises
Away from it all in the cover of the night again"

Like what was I thinking when this was taken?

I am a product of the 80s...not just literally...can I try again?

Thank God that Janet's doing fine; Celeste is beautiful, and Janet's going to be a beautiful mother. Next up, the baptism, then we can all throw a party and celebrate. and I can see Uncle Sam poking his eye, Aunt Gary showing off his legs...Celeste's gonna be a Chuca (=Chivas + Toluca =) )

• If we stop for a second and realize what exactly it is we're doing wrong, and try not to accuse others of doing the same thing, it would make everything better.
  I think we've all got a little light in us, so share! It's easier to find reasons to hate, but it's not always the easiest to go along with.

• Think about little kids. Even though sometimes they view the world through such simpler eyes, they have such big hearts to accept things and love just about everything from their untied shoelaces, through their sticky fingers or noses, all they way to the messy hair on their heads. I feel like sometimes it's the older people that should learn from them. (I have no explanation nor do I need one for why I ended up being the way I am but when I think about it, I"m glad I"m like this)

• If anyone can hear my music please tell me; I'd wanted to put "Sunday Bloody Sunday" on earlier but not there, and it turns out that today happens to be the...I think 34th anniversary of Bloody Sunday. I know a bit cuz I did a project on it for summer school. It's awful what happened to the 14 boys and men, but they were tragically killed for something they believed in, how many of us can actually say we'd have the courage to pull that off?

• Okay, Happy Birthday Tony and Lanette, yes, it took a Trig exam for me to remember, sorry Lanetta! yeah that's right, Ariel would be happy it's spread on...Durango!